


It's Already Worse

by Qion



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Everybody is a little shit, Humor, Please Don't Take This Seriously, Road Trips, bing gets fucking wrecked my dudes, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 03:38:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15210080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qion/pseuds/Qion
Summary: If you thought family road trips were bad enough then wait until these fuckers pile into a car together.





	It's Already Worse

**Author's Note:**

> i regret nothing

If Dark had a choice, then he would have locked himself in his office when this idea was pitched in the first place, just to wait it out until he would have some peace and quiet. Unfortunately, allowing half of the Egos to be crammed in a car together with no supervision was just as bad of an idea, so here he was, stuck in the passenger's seat with enough anger to blow up the car and a crumpled map. 

"I  _ told _ you this five minutes ago!" he snapped, glaring at Wilford as he threw down the map. "How did you miss the  _ only _ turn on this road?"

Sitting in the driver's seat, Wilford didn't seem to be nearly as livid, or even awake for that matter, as Dark. He only offered an unconcerned grin as he leaned back and waved one hand in the demon's general direction. "I mean, it's a little hard to concentrate when you have someone yelling in your ear the entire time," he replied cheerfully, his usual slur almost melding words together. 

"You've been speeding in the wrong direction. I think it's safe to say that you aren't concentrating at all," Dark retorted, crossing his arms as a shrill ringing drew a wince from everybody in the car. 

A faint whirring interrupted the conversation as a metal hand covered with synthetic skin gripped the shoulder of Wilford's seat so it could pull forward the rest of its body. "According to my location service, we have been off-course for roughly twenty minutes and thirty-seven seconds," Google added, a blank look on his face as he pulled up a digital map on the monitor he projected in front of him. "Turn left to int-" 

“Nah dudes!” Bing interjected, throwing himself between the two seats and effectively pushing a very disgruntled Google out of the way. “You just gotta keep following the road!”

“Bing, I do not know if you are malfunctioning or simply programmed to be this idiotic, but this path that you are proposing has been proven to be incorrect,” Google replied, an icy calm to his words as he stared down the android. 

“Get with the times bro! We gotta find our  _ own _ way!” came the lighthearted response, followed by boisterous laughter and a sharp glare from Google. However, the argument could dissolve any further, a faint click and a harsh ringing drove the two apart. 

“Tell me, do either of you know the way to hell?” Wilford asked lazily, one hand resting on top of the wheel to keep the car in the same direction while the other waved a loaded pistol in the air. 

Bing shriveled back in record time, slinking back into his seat while Google merely raised an eyebrow. “That location is not available in my functions. I do not know where the location of ‘hell’ is.” 

“Would you like to find out?” followed Dark, the window beside him fogging into a black abyss as his aura gradually seeped out from his form to creep out into the rest of the car. 

“Nah dudes, I’m good!” Bing shrieked, his voice jumping several octaves higher when a tendril brushed against him. 

“Can you please keep it down?!” Bim snapped from the back, his hair mussed with an irritated snarl on his face as he leaned forward. “I’m trying to get some sleep here!”

“ _ You _ need to sleep?!” Wilford repeated, all traces of ease vanishing as he turned around in his seat to point the barrel of his gun at the show host. “I’ve been sitting here with this _ nagging _ demon for  _ hours _ !”

“What did you say?” Dark’s aura slowly fogged up the rest of the car as the ringing grew tenfold. 

“ _ All of you need to stop _ !” 

The fierce but concerned face of Dr. Iplier joined the fray as he leaned in from his seat next to Bim. While he didn’t look nearly as messy as his companion, fatigue was still obviously written all over his face. 

“We are getting nowhere with all of this arguing and the stress is just going to weaken all of us before we get anywhere! Please, just calm down and keep a clear head until we actually figure out where we’re going!”

After his short lecture, the cramped vehicle quickly quieted down, a tense silence suffocating the air as harsh words were exchanged for poisonous glances. With some grumbling, Google and Bing took their seats again while Bim all but collapsed onto the armrest. Wilford’s pistol was tucked away once more and the harsh ringing had died down to a faint hum. 

Unsurprisingly enough, Dark was the first to calm down, straightening out his suit with a deep breath. His temper was already strung thin enough with the work that he was given, but this trip was just pushing it to the breaking point. However, he still had to keep a calm facade as long as he wanted to remain the leader. 

Closing his eyes, he managed to grasp at least five seconds of peace before the ringing jumped again as he jolted up. Whipping around to scan the back of the car and finding only four other occupants behind him, he ground out a question that nobody seemed to address. 

“Where’s the Host?” 

And just like that, the car descended straight back down to hell. 

“It was your job to make sure he came along,” Google reminded, waving a hand towards an incredulous Bing. 

“He said he was coming! What, do I need to baby him now too?” he barked back, flipping off Google with both hands. 

“He was supposed to be here?” Dr. Iplier asked, his voice gaining a new level of volume out of sheer panic. “He never got in the car!” 

“I’m with him!” Wilford nodded, waving his head back towards the doctor. “When did you invite him with us, Darky?” 

Now Dark’s shell finally began to crackle, red and blue outlines filtering through to give the illusion of multiple bodies as they twisted with rage. “Shut up! All of you just need to  _ shut up _ !” 

“Shouldn’t you be the one who’s looking for him?” Google quipped, glancing at Bing with little hidden resentment. 

“Fine!” The door was slammed open to treat everybody in the car to a gust of wind. “Maybe I will then!” 

And with that, Bing was out of the still-moving car before anyone could argue, his skateboard disappearing with him. 

“Dear God,” Dr. Iplier groaned, burying his head in his hands. 

Before he could keep moping for himself, a shrill scream (that would later be denied of ever happening) from Bim drew everybody’s attention to the very back of the car, where Bim himself was curled up as far away from the center seat as possible. Where there should have been an empty seat, there was instead an opening to the trunk while the seat was pushed down, revealing the Host curled up with a flashlight in one hand, a novel in the other, and a confused look on his face. 

While the doctor immediately began to scold the Host for staying in such a small space for so long, Dark hit his head against the window. Wilford let out a small chuckle that quickly evolved into a full-fledged outburst of laughter when he glanced at the rearview mirror. 

“ _ What _ ?” Dark bit out, seething boiling irritation as he snapped up to glare at Wilford. Taking a look at the rearview mirror, he was able to find the source of his newly found humor riding a skateboard tied to the handle of the trunk. Bing certainly looked ridiculous trying to scope out the road behind him while fumbling for a hold on the car and at any other time, Dark would have been amused too. 

But now was not any other time. 

Without glancing back at the mirror, a smoky piece of his aura slowly drifted out of the car to wrap around Bing’s hands, prying his fingers away from what little hold he had on the metal to send him flying away with his skateboard. The spotlight focused on Dark as he stared straight ahead, a blank look on his face. Nobody dared to talk, only watching with caution lest Dark still have some anger left over that he needed to take out. 

“Host,” he said quietly, his neck cracking into place as he spoke, “do you have a book I can borrow?” 

For a minute, there was no answer and everybody turned to face the open passage to the Host’s unconventional seat with some apprehension. 

Even if he still denied it, Bim nearly broke a window jumping back when the Host’s arm shot out with a hardcover novel in hand from the depths of the trunk. 


End file.
